Is it that simple?

Do we really trust God? Its become an easy thing to quickly utter or encourage someone with. But do we really believe in what He says? Do we take His word as the truth we build our entire lives on? These are the questions I've asked myself this past year during my time in South Africa and now coming back to the states.

Trust: to place one's confidence in; to hope; that which has been entrusted

Believe: to trust in; to hold a firm conviction about

I love those defintions. They hold such meaning and hold an incredible amount of depth that can change our lifes if we really act on them.

For many people it's hard to trust-maybe you are on of them. You've been mistreated, abused and placed your trust in someone only to be hurt, so you make a decision not to trust again. I speak from my own life and I was one of those people.

During part of my high school years I was emotionally abused by someone that was highly respected and trusted by people, including myself. As it all began to fall apart- my walls came up very quicly. My first instint was to be protective of myself and not let people in. I was afraid of being hurt again or worse rejected. During a period of being angry, hurt and very closed- the Holy Spirit kept drawing me closer to Himself. I was at the point I didn't trust God at all. After all, why would He let me go through such hurt and pain if He really cared I told myself.
But Jesus never waivered. He wasn't afraid of my questions or my anger. He wanted me just as I was. He began to draw me closer and closer to Himself. I still had lots of questions and things I didn't understand, but when I let my guard down and let Jesus in and hold me close, somehow those things all faded. I realized I needed only one thing- to be in His presence and in His arms, gazing into His face. In His presence He began to heal my wounded heart and I learned I could trust Him. He began to teach me that He is worthy of all trust and belief.

Now years later as I look back on my journey with Jesus, I can only trust Him.
He has never been anything, but faithful. In times I thought I was alone, He has been there holding me. I have been tested again this past month with my trust in Him. Since high school my life has been full of goodbyes, new friendships and a lot of letting go. In each of these situations and new chapters I have had to trust Jesus.

When I leave my family to go to Africa, I have to trust Jesus that He will continue and complete the good work He has started. When I left South Africa I had to trust my sweet Father that He was going to take care of my kids on the street and the youth in their broken homes. If I didn't trust Him, where would I be?
When I don't trust Him I am saying, "Jesus, I have things under control, I can do this better myself."
Jesus knows us so intimately. Like no one else knows us.

1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely. - Psalm 139

The more time I spend with Jesus the more I trust Him. I believe the more you know Jesus- His character, His unfailing love, you will know Jesus is for you- He is not against you. No matter how much you've been hurt, no matter how many people have abused your trust- He will never hurt you. He will never abuse your trust.

There was a deep relase in my spirit when I realized I couldn't do it anymore. When I realized without Him I was completely lost.
And this only makes sense, that the Creator of our bodies, minds, souls and spirits can be fully and completely trusted.
When we choose to trust Him- we will begin to change. The circumstances or problems around us might not change- but He will change us. We will be people who trust Jesus, worry less and keep their eyes on His face.

Provers 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight."

I choose to trust Him. I choose to believe that He works everything out for my good.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28


"Blessed is the one who trusts in you."- Psalm 84:12b

Its ALL about HIM.

I've done a lot of thinking and praying really asking myself why I have a blog and what are my motives. It is so easy as humans to start to do something with a purwe heart and then realize our motives have become prideful or selfish. I share this with you because I truly want this blogs purpose to be, to bring glory to who it is due-our Sweet King Jesus. I never want this to be about me. If this is about me its utterly worthless. God says in Isaiah 64:6-

"that all our righteous acts are like flithly rags and we are all shrivel up like a leaf."

So as I share with you in this blog what GOD is doing in my life and in the lives of the people around me I promise to be open and real with you. I won't pretend to have it all together or have all the answers, but I will share with you what GOD is teaching and saying to me.

My prayer is that the things He teaches me, and the lessons I learn and the experiences that HE takes me through you will know Jesus' heart more and experience more of who He is.

Respect

respect: to give honor to; to show high regard for

"Show proper respect to everyone."- 1 Peter 2:17

Since being back in the States I have gotten the question a lot:
"what did you learn in Africa?"

Most the time that question overwhelms me, because I have no idea where to begin. But today I realized something that has become a huge part of my life that I know was instilled in me during my two years living in Africa. -RESPECT.

The African people respect like no one's business. I could say they put us to shame. When I first got there I realized how much I disrespected people without even being aware of it. I began to learn what respect looked like. I did make a lot of mistakes, but slowly learned.
I learned that you never call a Mother by her first name you call her MaMa and then her name.
I learned you called a Father TaTa and then his name.
I learned you never call a young man by his first name- you say Mboti.
At first these things were hard to remember and get use to, but as they became part of my life I realized how much I began to really respect people.

I started looking at Mothers and Fathers differently, they were no longer people that were just older then me, they were people I needed to respect.

The definition of respect is: to give honor to or show high regard for. And in 1 Peter, Peter commands us to respect everyone. Not just the elderly, and our parents. But EVERYONE.
Recently, my heart was completely broken as I saw a grown woman with children completely disrespect her elderly Mother that has raised her and loved her and now her grandchildren as well.
My memory was quickly taken back to a day in October in Jeffreys Bay when I entered the shack of a family my team and I were ministering to. I KNEW that the first thing I was to do was to greet the Gogo( the Grandmother) in the house, then the Mother and finally the children. This to me is so biblical.

"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."- Exodus 20:12

"Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God." 1 Timothy 5 :3-4

We cant deny it. God's word says it. Do you notice in the commandment to honor your parents it ends with a promise. That is so powerful. God says when we show honor and respect, He will also honor us. The God of the universe promises to honor us!

One of the most important things for me to learn in South Africa was their way of greeting. When you enter a home, wake up in the morning, or see a person for the first time that day you greet them. Rather that be a hand shake, a hug or simply asking how they are. At first most definitely I offended a lot of people, because this had never been my way of life. Again as I slowly remembered this new way and it became a normal part of my life, the Holy Spirit really spoke to me about how powerful this small act is.

The acknowledgement of someone is so powerful. To acknowledge their presence and that you see them, can speak volumes to a wounded and lonely spirit. I can think back to many times in my life when I simply wanted someone to notice me or ask me how I was doing. I think that is why it became one of my favorite things to do. Especially in the mornings I remember in the LXP house- greeting my sisters with a warm hug and asking how they slept.
But isn't this what the Lord does? We are never out of his mind.
In Psalm 139 the whole chapter speaks about how God knows us inside and out and knows our every move, and thought.

I write this as a challenge to you. Start respecting like you never have. And watch how God will work not only in your life, but in the lives of the people in your life. They may think its strange at first, but that's okay. Just press on.

Remember the LORD's command: "Show proper respect to EVERYONE."

Now go watch how Jesus will work.

Great is Your faithfulness

“The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.” Psalm143:13
“He is faithful in all He does.” Psalm 33:4

I stand victorious through the precious blood of my Savior Jesus Christ. Who has won the battle and defeated the power of the enemy in my life.
Nine months ago I was preparing to leave for my journey back to Jbay for my new experience in LXP. So unsure of what laid ahead of me and with so many expectations of what God wanted to do in my life. I can stand here nine months later at the end of my year in LXP and say far above what I accepted God to do has happened in my life.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”
Ephesians 3:20

I’ve been spending the last weeks processing and reflecting on what God has done in me and I see how quickly I’ve forgotten the places God took me from and how He has brought so much freedom into my life. He has taken me from a place of insecurity and little confidence to a place of being a confident leader and the woman God had intended me to be all along.

This experience has changed my life completely. I’ve been challenged like never before and taken out of my comfort zone almost on a daily basis. I looked back to my prayer list before I came to LXP and one of the things I was praying was that God would take me out of my comfort zone every day. Well, He did just that!


I’ve been changed in my leadership ability. When I came to LXP and had to lead a small group of teen I was terrified and so unsure, but now I can confidently and comfortably lead a small group of many ages and backgrounds. It has definitely been, because of all the experiences and the weekly youth program we held every Thursday afternoon.

I learned how to disciple a person and really walk with them through the ups and downs of life. During this year I discipled two girls every week, it was so amazing to see the change in them and where God took them from to where they are at now. One of the girls after months of praying for her just gave her life to Christ two weeks ago. I truly believe this year after discipling that the first step is discipleship and then during this time they are given the choice to accept Christ and they really learn what it means to follow Christ. As this girl and I spoke on the beach on Saturday afternoon the time was so powerful as she declared she wanted to give up her heart of stone and receive the heart of flesh that Jesus awaits to give us. At that moment the Holy Spirit gave me this. I told her to go where the sand and water meet and write every sin she needed to ask for forgiveness and the things she needed to surrender to Jesus. It was such a beautiful picture of what God does for us every day as He completely removes our sin. I praise the LORD for what He had done in the life of this sweet girl.


During the year the Lord has places so many different people in my path to walk, pray for and just encourage and speak life into. One of those is Jonathan. From my previous post most of you know Jonathan. He is a boy that has completely captured my heart like very few children. The past two months it’s been a journey that I wouldn’t trade for anything. It has been one of the most difficult journeys I have walked with anyone. One with many tears, questions, doubts, and unknowns. But through this I have been learning so much about the heart of my Heavenly Father and also about myself. I will speak more about Jonathan and his story in a later post.


In LXP my prayer life has changed so much. I remember in coming to LXP and Tuesday’s were our days of corporate fasting. We would meet during the lunch hour to prayer; I remember thinking to myself how can I pray for an hour? The first two weeks were difficult, but as I continued I began to grow in my hunger for prayer and talking to my Father. An hour became not enough!
I’ve seen God’s power in ways I’ve dreamt and read about in the bible come and be part of my life and my LXP family. One of those times was when two of my teammates and me went to visit a family and we began to pray for woman there that was sobbing uncontrollably. As we continued praying demons started manifesting in her and after some time praying for her the demons were cast out in Jesus name. I truly experienced the power of God has He used my mortal body where His Holy Spirit resides to cast the demons out of this woman. I can’t even say I prayed for her, cause it was not I that was praying-but the Holy Spirit through me. This should be the normal! In Mark 16:17-18 it says;

"And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

The power of God is real and manifests through the Holy Spirit in us. If only we let Him has His way in our life and walk in in obedience to His Spirit.


I’ve been stretched to live in a house full of people from a different culture and language then me. I can stand here and say it’s made me a stronger and better person. Like it says in James chapter one; consider it pure joy when you face trials, because it develops perservance. The first couple months for those who walk closely beside me know that I was ready to catch the next flight home. I felt alone, like the alien, but I know that God had called me here to LXP and I could not go home and is obey His call. I truly felt the reality of paying the cost to be a disciple of Jesus.
When He says;

“Anyone of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:33

Jesus truly became my Rock, My Fortress and my Stronghold.

Psalm 62
5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.


This became my daily prayer over my life. Before I left for Africa the Lord has promised me that when I felt alone or insecure I would find everything I needed in His presence and that was a promise fulfilled.


One of my mentors here in Africa told me before I came to LXP that after this year I would know if I really love Africa. Because this year was 100% different then my previous year coming with Americans-still in my comfort zone of culture, language and mindset. But now I was being placed in a setting so unknown to me with all Africans. This was the promise God gave me in
Isaiah 41:9-10

9 I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

To answer her question; Yes, I STILL love Africa. And God has continued to confirm my call for this continent. People often ask me aren’t you scared to live in Africa and leave your family, friends and home behind. My answer is; “it’s not easy, I miss my family and friends so much every day, but over the past two years of my life I’ve come to know the heart of my Jesus much more intimately. I know that He only has me do what is the best for His kingdom and the life He has given me. He calls me to the end of the earth, because He knows that is what He has made me to do. The Creator of the heavens and the earth also made me and know what I was created for.

The call is great and the cost is high, but the promises of our faithful God are endless. Every time I was faced with doubt, the unknown, fear, anxiety and homesickness there was a promise awaiting me in His word.

“God is not human, that he should lie,
not a human being, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?
I have received a command to bless;
he has blessed, and I cannot change it.”

Numbers 23:19

It’s difficult to put into words and write exactly what my time in LXP was like, but this is just a small taste of what God did in my life and I pray it encourages you.


Thank you to each and every one of you my dear brothers and sister for you support this year as I journeyed in LXP. I can see the hand of God working so mightily as I there was days I was weak and in need of prayer and I would receive a phone call or an email from one of you at just the right time. Or times when finances were low and God would put on someone’s heart to give just the right amount that I was needing. Thank you for being obedient to the promptings of the Spirit and blessing me. I really could not do this journey without each and every one of your prayers and financial support. I praise the Lord for you and I pray His blessing over you as you have been such a blessing to me.


I will be arriving home on Christmas day. Until then I am visiting some friends in different parts of South Africa and then taking a two week missions trip to India. Please be in prayer for me as I go and work in the orphanages and the children.
I appreciate each and every one of you and look forward to seeing you next month!

Until then, may His blessing rest upon you.

Much love from South Africa

Jonathan

I will never forget his eyes. I will never forget how he hung onto me, like a lost boy. I won’t forget how he looked at me, his face full of pain and his years of memories of his experiences flashed across his eyes as I asked him why he quit going to school.
He pretends to be so hard and rough- it’s his protection. But inside is a little boy so in need of a family, someone to love and take care of him. A 13 year old boy’s need shouldn’t be someone to take care for him. He shouldn’t be longing to go to school and be part of a family- those are the normal things he should have already.

At times he pretends not to hear, but I know he hears every word. He’ll ignore a question and ask for food, a defense mechanism to keep him from talking about the all the pain in his life, not excluding the hunger pain he feels regularly. He tells me he stays with his uncle at times, but other nights its better on the street with his friends. At home he’s beaten and left with no food, the streets are safer and he can beg for food. I can hear the anger in his voice as he says his uncle is always drinking and will beat him for no reason. His father and mother have both died, he says he doesn’t have a last name his name is Jonathan- that’s it.


A couple weeks ago some of my teammates and me were given a week project to work with the streets kids- to minister and give them food. That was three weeks ago, but my heart has been heavily burdened ever since then. Even though I have lived in Jbay for almost 2 years now, my heart was not broken over the street boys. I felt like “what can I do? How can I minister, I have nothing in common with them.” The Holy Spirit completely broke me from that attitude and mindset and one day totally broke my heart for these boys. He spoke so strongly to me that if my heart is not broken for these boys I will never minister or love them like Jesus does. Since that day things have been completely different inside of me. There is about 15 boys between the ages of 10-20 that live on the street in Jeffreys Bay. Some of them have homes, but have ran away cause of the situations at homes, others are orphans that have no one to take care and love them.


The one boy that the Holy Spirit laid and burdened my heart for was Jonathan. I have been interceding and praying for him every day asking God for a relationship with him. Whenever I would see him in town sitting on the street corner I would go and sit with him. He was always quiet and serious, never smiling and often high from glue. He would only greet and then was silent. I would ask questions and try to make conversation, but he would only look straight ahead. The Holy Spirit told me to stay. So this would happen frequently, I would sit with Jonathan in complete silence. I prayed that through his act he would know how much not only I love him, but more importantly Jesus Christ.


I try to keep the tears from spilling onto my cheeks as I sit on the porch outside my house with Jonathan- eating bread and talking. This is the moment I have been asking and pleading with God for. Jonathan came to my house looking for me- a complete miracle!
As we continue to talk, my hearts breaks even more, he doesn’t know his last name. He belongs to no one. After a while I tell him I’ll walk with him to the beach to meet the other boys, but he refuses. Its warm here on the porch and safe- the weather is getting colder and more windy- he doesn’t want to go. As he watches the acticvity at the house and all the different people talking and having fun- I can see in his eyes the longing for a family, a home, a place to belong and be safe and warm.

I wish it was that easy, that I could have him live with me and give him everything he needs- but for right now I now that’s not possible.
Eventually he agrees and we walk towards the beach. I promise him I’ll go meet his uncle later this week to see where he’s staying. As I say goodbye I ask if I can pray for him and for the first time is face lights up just a little and he agrees, taking my hand in his. After praying he puts his arm around me- I try to once again keep the tears back, as I feel the arm of a little boy that hasn’t had a hug for probably weeks or even months give me a hug and then walk away. Many people would say don’t let a street boy touch or get close to you, it’s not safe, they are bad. But as I was with Jonathan my mind was constantly on the life and ministry of Jesus. He was with the sick, poor and ”bad” people all the time. That was his life- his heart was with them. He touched them and healed them in their need.


As I walked away the tears flowed freely from my eyes, if my heart was not broken before it was now. I thanked Jesus that He was giving me the privilege of feeling a little bit of His heart. My spirit wrestled in prayer and was earnestly before God that evening, as it continues to ask God what He wants me to do. I pray I will walk in complete obedience to the Holy Spirit and what He wants me to do.

Please pray that I would be granted discerment, wisdom and love above all.
Pray for Jonathan that the Holy Spirit would deeply touch his heart and life.

Confirmation

Rape. Yet hope.
HIV/AIDS. Yet hope.
Poverty. Yet hope.
Abuse. Yet hope
Orphaned. And yet hope.

Transkai a place very few people know or hear about unless you live in South Africa. It is the heart of the Xhosa culture and a place of deep traditions. Villages, rural areas, busy towns, women carrying 10 gallon buckets on their heads to fetch water, the students walking miles to school, dirt roads, cows, sheep and donkeys crossing the road and backing up the traffic. This is the place I spent a week doing the Beat The Drum project, in the town of Lusikiski in the Transkai area of South Africa.

Lusikiski is completely different then my town of Jeffreys Bay. Jbay is a surf town. A hot vacation spot, but still filled with poverty. The white on one side, the coloreds in another place, and the blacks on the other side. There is a McDonald's, a mall, nice restaurants, a beautiful beach and big supermarkets. Life here is pretty comfortable. The locations (where the coloreds and blacks live) are poor. Shacks use to be everywhere, but now the government is building houses for a lot of the South African citizens.

In every way I have explained Jbay, Lusikiski is the opposite. A white face is rarely seen among the people there. The town is crazy, the traffic out of control with what seems to be no traffic laws enforced. People fill the streets selling meat, veg, fruit, and many other things.

As I walk through the town with some of my friends, I see a man almost in rags carrying all his belongings, then there is another man that has been severely burned. He approaches my friend Mnoza asking for money, instead of answering his question, Mnoza starts asking him questions about himself and be interested in him. The man shares his story that there was a fire that killed his whole family except him. Now, he can't work because of how the fire destroyed his hands and now has no way to support himself. Mnoza encouraged him and also prayed with him. As we walked away I tried to somehow imagine the pain this man experiences every day, as I am processing what has just happened, I see a little 2 year old boy sitting on the side of the street all dirty and alone with no one caring or for him. As we arrived back at our place I wanted to sit down, pray and cry for what I had seen and experienced. During my experience in the town, God really spoke to my heart that this is the life He has called me to. It wasn't easy being the only white person and having everyone stare at me. But God has called me to an uncomfortable life of taking up my cross daily and following Him where ever He leads me, even leaving Jbay where I have made my home for the past two years.

In June during my holiday time I stayed with one of my teammates Khanyo in her community among the Xhosa people. During my time there God really gave me more of a love and a passion for the Xhosa people. I use to think I would leave South Africa and go into East Africa, but this year God has really changed my heart and shown me my season here in South Africa is not finished. My vision and dream has always been to work with the orphans, prostitutes and the least of these in the villages and God has continually been confirming that these past months. I thank God He took me to Lusikiski to confirm what He has already been telling me. I am not sure of my plans next year, but I ask you to join me in prayer as I seek what God has for me either in Lusikiski or somewhere else in South Africa.

I do not lean on my own understanding, but trust God that when I place my trust in Him, He will lead and guide me in His ways.

Entertaining Angels

"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:2


I see him often. Sometimes sitting alone, sometimes sniffing glue to get high, or other times with the other street boys. But rarely with a smile. He sat on the steps to the entrance of the shop just across my house. As I walked towards the shop he waved at me. He seems to always remember me, because I have made it a point to know him and remember his name. I greeted him and began with just small talk. I tried to imagine myself in his shoes with no home, just the streets when on days like today it's pouring rain and cold.

I ran inside the shop to get him something warm to drink and came back and handed him the drink. We began to talk again and I asked him questions about himself and how/why he came to Jeffreys Bay. His expression/countenance changed as he realized someone was really interested in getting to know him and not just giving him a handout and walking away.

After speaking for a few minutes he gave me a big smile and said, "thank you for this." I think I saw the face of Jesus. A smile. So simple, but yet is rarely seen in the face of a boy that lives on the street with no home. Day after day his life is begging for food, sleeping on the streets no matter what the weather is like and living with the memories of the home he left 5 years ago or the family that didn't care for him. He's so easily judged and walked past, receiving condemnation from people that think if he really wanted to, he could be off the streets, find a job and live in a shack. All that could be so true, but if you took time to listen to his story of pain, neglect, abuse and poverty the answer isn't that simple.

He's trapped in a cycle of lies and strongholds. Surrounded by people his whole life that have told him, he's a failure and unable to do anything in life. The answer isn't to simple. He's in need of a Perfect Heavenly Father to take him as he is and heal his broken spirit and the Mighty Deliverer to set him free from the spirits and lies he's lived with. Jesus could appear to him cloud and do all this, but it's not most likely. He gave us that command. Love each other as I have loved you.

This week the Lord has been changing my heart, and opening my eyes. We did a practical exercise in LXP this past week with how to speak to complete strangers. Simply making small talk, but being open and discerning to how the Spirit of the Lord might lead us in conversation. That day we had to go out and actually practice it, so my partner Bukie and I set out on a mission to get to know people of all races- white, colored and black. It was such a great experience and I was forever changed by this practical exercise of being aware and intentional with the people around me every day and that I interact with where ever I go. I've chosen to no longer leave with conversation with a person at, "Hello! How are you?" But to engage and get to know each person a little more. Since that decision I am so surprised at the conversations I've had with people and how open people really are if only you take time and one step further to get to know them. Each person has a story, each person is in need of the love of the Savior and it's our privilege to be the tangible hands of Jesus.

I challenge you to no longer look at the person at the restaurant as just your waiter, but a person with a story and a heart in need of Jesus.

I challenge you to talk to the person you see every day, but only casually greet.

This isn't something new or strange. It's a command from Jesus Christ Himself, I think it's about time we take it seriously and make it our lifestyle.