I Refuse

*Note: Individuals names have been changed to respect and protect their privacy.

It’s a Wednesday morning in Jeffrey’s Bay, South Africa, the sun is shining brightly and I can feel the heat of it already beating down on me, a sure sign that spring has indeed arrived in Jbay. It’s about 10am, and I am walking to the gym, I am only about two blocks away from my house when I see her. Gracie. She knows me, I know her. At first she doesn’t see me, but I keep walking closer, she’s just across the street. She’s only about eleven years old, she should be in school at this time, studying history and trying to solve her math problems. She should be chatting with her friends and playing outside during recess. But instead I find this eleven year old girl digging through the garbage dump, looking intently into the big bins for something to eat. I see her Grandmother sitting on the opposite side of the street, watching her and also watching me.

In a matter of seconds so many different scenes pass through my mind.
I start asking myself questions;

“What if this was me?

What if this was my niece?

My family member? “

I cross the street to where Gracie is digging through the dumpster. I greet her and ask what she’s doing. An obvious question, but seemed to be the best way to start a conversation.

She lifts her head from the green dumpster and replies, ‘I am looking for something to eat, I am hungry.’

Just as quickly as she lifted her head she resumes her original position and continues to rummage through the contents of the garbage. An old black boat, someone’s left over chicken bones from KFC, an empty Coke bottle, but nothing to eat. My mind runs a mile a minute as I try to imagine the life of Gracie, and being so hungry and desperate for food that I go to the garbage bins.

She looks up at me, piercing me with her brown eyes, but quickly looks away. I ask her if I can give her R10 to go and buy bread for her and her grandmother. She nods her heads vigorously, and I hand her the R10. I ask her a few more questions about where she’s staying and who’s taking care of her and then I cross the street to her Grandmother.

Gracie’s grandmother is only about 4’10 tall and under 100 pounds. She hardly speaks English, so as much as I can I try to explain to her that I have given Gracie R10 to go buy food, and she must not buy cigarettes or anything else. In reply she nods her head and says thank you in Afrikaans.

Then I walked away.

The scene hasn’t left me. Gracie’s eyes are still piercing through to my heart. As I walked away, I felt as though someone was punching me in the stomach. My spirit was so disturbed and I started crying out to God. “No, God. No. Why?”
As I continued praying, God reminded me of a song that was so much on my heart before I left for South Africa in May, it’s called I Refuse by Josh Wilson
The lyrics to the song are:

Sometimes I
I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
When I know they're not

This world needs God
But it's easier to stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong

But I refuse
'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

I can hear the least of these
Crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet
Of You, oh God

So, if You say move
It's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
Show them who You are

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

To stand and watch the weary and lost
Cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back
And try and act like all is well

I refuse to stay unchanged
To wait another day, to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse


This song has been playing over and over in my mind. How dare I act like everyone is fine, when there are girls like Gracie all over the world, crying out for help, crying out for love.
That day I made a decision to not turn back again. I made a decision to stop ignoring the pleas and cries of the kids here on the streets of Jeffreys Bay.

God has put something in me for the street kids here in Jeffrey’s Bay, I am still not sure what exactly He wants me to do, but I know I will start with love. Actually, that’s what it’s all about love. If I have faith, and if I give all I possess to these kids, but have not love I am nothing. My prayer is that I will never walk by, stand by or ignore the cries of these children. These are the ones that are called great in the kingdom of God, but these are the ones we so easily walk by or put aside and ignore. May God forgive us and be merciful to us for the times we have forgotten about his children and truly ignored the very face of God.

Please pray with me as I seek the Lord's direction in this area of my life. I know I can't change the lives of all the street kids here in Jeffreys Bay, but if I can change the life of one girl, if I can change the life of Gracie, it's all worth it.