The cost..

I woke up yesterday feeling the battle immediately as I opened my eyes to the sun welcoming me into the new day- May 10th the anxiously and long awaited day. I could feel my heart battling with what lay before me. Today I would step on a plane to fly thousands of miles away from my biological family. I would experience the tearful goodbye's and the deep ache in my heart with the fact that I don't know the next time I'll see them face to face again.
But I would also be taking one step closer to the beautiful South African people that hold a huge piece of my heart.

The cost of following Jesus. Have you felt it? Do you know it?
Does your heart and spirit resonate with the scripture in Luke 14: 26-27, 33(ESV)

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.
So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple."

The cost of discipleship.
Do you know it?
Have you felt it?

I have wrestled with these scriptures for more then a year, starting when I first left last February to join LXP in Jeffreys Bay, South Africa. It was no longer just a scripture that I had heard before, or that I thought didn't apply to me- it was my life and what I was experiencing.
I use to read this scripture and think, "Well, Jesus doesn't mean we are really suppose to hate our families, after all He says 'Love your neighbor as yourself."

And that is true, we are to love others just as Christ loved us by laying His life down on the cross at Calvary.
But what does that look like? Could it actually mean that when we forsake our desires, the things of this world, even the good things like family and friends that, that is when we begin to love others. After all, how can we love others if we first don't love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Jesus lists the family members-father, mother, wife, children, brother or sisters, and then yes, even his own life- he cannot be my disciple.

I struggled with this scripture because I love my family and am very close to them. God has given me a great family that loves Jesus and truly cares for each other. So what did Jesus really mean when He said I am suppose to hate them?

I didn't begin to understand until my time in Africa last year as I saw that I could still live in Africa and not truly be a disciple of Christ, forsaking everything. It's not only a physical action, but also an attitude of the heart.
Jesus didn't want me to literally hate my family and leave them saying, "Have a nice life, I am going to be a disciple of Jesus."
He was saying, "Ellen, I want you to forsake your family, friends and life to find real life. Exchange your life for mine. When you do this you are becoming my disciple, you are putting on Myself (Jesus Christ) and are dying to yourself. That is when you actually love your family, because it's not on your own effort anymore, its me through you."
That is when people will be drawn to Jesus Christ- when our lives become a picture of the gospel. when people can see the bible lived out in our lives every day.

I have had people say to me, "I could never do what you are doing, I am a Daddy's girl or I love my family to much to live that far away."

My flesh wants to scream out, "don't you think I love my family!"
But then I realize this is exactly what Jesus is talking about. If our love for our families are holding us back from being obedient to the call of discipleship- it is sin. Jesus wants us to be completely devoted and abandoned to the call He has given each one of us.

You might think, "well He's not called me to go to Africa."
And that might be true, but He has called you to something. He calls us all different places, but the call is the same- GO MAKE DISCIPLES.
Matthew 28:18-20(NIV)

"Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

He says go train and teach people to give up their lives to follow me and that is taught through not just words, bur your life.

We have no excuses anymore. The cost is high. But it's worth it.

Every tear. Every ache and pain.

Every uncomfortable moment.

It's worth it.