This life is not my own

One month from today I will be flying across the Atlantic Ocean to South Africa. Its a strange mix of emotions. This is what I've been preparing for, for months and now the time is almost here. Its a battle between my flesh and spirit. I long to be back in Jeffreys Bay, but my heart aches at the thought of leaving my family for nine months. During these times a quote by Oswald Chambers comes to my mind:

" If you stayed home when God told you to go,because you wre so concerned about your own people there, then you actually robbed them of the teaching of Jesus Christ Himself."

I am learning to walk by faith. Its often said amongest christians, but it's another thing when you really have to do it. Walk by faith. Jesus knows my questions, sadness and pain, He doesnt' overlook that, but when I gave my life to Jesus this is what asked of me. My whole life. The cost of following Jesus is high and I would want it no other way. Jesus knew that people throughout the ages would struggle with this very thing: leaving home and family. In Luke he says

," If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father or mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters-yes, even his own life-he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." - Luke 14:26-17

Jesus wants me to give up everything. At first this verse seems cruel,doesn't Jesus command us to love our neighbor as ourselves? Yes, He does. But before He gives that command He says, love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.
If we are truly to love others, we must first love Jesus Christ. Jesus is to be our first love. My first love.

I want to forsake everything for the sake of the gospel. Jesus gave up everything to me. While I was his enemy Jesus sacrified his very life.
"Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior."- Col 1:21
I spat in his face, I betrayed him, I cheated him and buried his grace, but yet he died for me. He knew all along that many would chose to deny Him, but he still died. How selfish of me if I was to hang onto my life as if its my own.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ." Phil 3:7

Everything compared to Christ is rubbish. I can surrender my family,friends, and home to the Lord, because I can trust Him. He promises to live is Christ, but to die is gain.

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."- Phil 1:21

This life is not my own. It is all for Him. So, as I prepare to embark on the next season of life, I walk by faith, because He who called me is faithful.